Floodline flooded

floodline flooded‘Environmental Agency, how can I be of assistance?’

‘It’s raining and there’s a flood; the water’s rising ever so fast and I need help.’

‘Let me see, does your guttering run off into a water butt to collect the water?’

‘Yes, we’ve got water butts, water in buckets, bowls, pots, pans, cups, you name it; there’s nowhere to empty it. How can it rain so much? Last year you said there wasn’t enough water and we had a hosepipe ban, now I can’t even find the hosepipe because the tap’s underwater!’

‘Aha, a leaking tap could be the problem, do you know how much water is wasted every day through leaky taps?’

‘It’s NOT the tap, it’s the rain: the water is up to my neck already, you idiot!’

‘There’s no need to be aggressive, madam, you’re not the only one suffering; we have voters – I mean people – in the Thames Valley area who are currently experiencing some extreme damp in their outbuildings; I’ll mark your case down as vaguely pressing which means we should be able to get to you by next week, sometime, maybe… madam?’



I wrote this piece for my local writing group’s competition, a story in ten sentences on the theme of flood. The waters may have subsided but it’s not over yet.

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  1. #1 by lizy on March 2, 2014 - 16:52

    Loved the dialogue, Mike. So true to life that I wondered if perhaps you have now drowned?

    • #2 by mike olley on March 2, 2014 - 17:06

      Thank you, Lizy. Drowned? Only in work and train journeys, coming up for a breather next week sometime. It’ll be good to get my life back.

  2. #3 by Betty Taylor on March 2, 2014 - 18:10

    Hi Mike

    I love this one – topical and typical of the bureaucracy that rules us


    • #4 by mike olley on March 2, 2014 - 19:38

      Thank you, Betty. The absurdity of red tape certainly makes it easy and fun to write these scenes.

  3. #5 by draliman on March 2, 2014 - 18:33

    Great topical piece.
    I’m from the south west, and it was a bit of a relief to be honest when the south east flooded. At that point Somerset, which had been under water for weeks, got some help as the government finally noticed that “something was going on” :-)

    • #6 by mike olley on March 2, 2014 - 19:43

      Thanks, Draliman. The floods only became a government concern when they finally had to swap blinkers for goggles. I hope your part of the world is drying out nicely. It sure is very green everywhere : )

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