Nothing is ever just there; ready. We seem to have to queue for everything: To pay for things, to see things, to get on the bus, waiting for a plane – the pits! – or is that experience beaten by the hell that is the phone queue? Are you really that desperate to hear Vivaldi’s Four Seasons on loop?
It was never like this when I was a kid.
Maybe it’s down to the fact there’s more people in the world today.
Or is it?
I can let you into the secret of beating queues but you’ll have to wait in line before I can tell you. And while you are waiting in an orderly fashion, please feel free to read this 200 word story.
A National Obsession
‘…More on the dumbing down of the news later, but first let’s go over to Jeff Ardent who’s with two special ladies. Jeff…’
‘Thanks, Bill. I’m here with Doris and Glad who’ve been queueing for over fifty years, not in the same queue, I hasten to add. Doris, tell me more.’
‘Yes, Glad and I have waited in all the major queues in Britain since the 60s.’
‘Me and Doris, always at the front.’
‘We queued for the Beatles.’
‘And the Stones.’
‘Madonna and Prince.’
‘We were first in line for Take That!’
‘And Take That! again.’
‘All the Harry Potters in the 90s.’
‘We’ve done all the Apples.’
‘i-Pod, Pad and Phone.’
‘We’ve queued for X-factor.’
‘Britain’s got Talent.’
‘Every year there’s Wimbledon.’
‘The Harrods Sale.’
‘Glastonbury and all the major festivals.’
‘Last year was the Olympics.’
‘And of course, every day there’s waiting for the bus.’
‘Wow, Doris and Glad, sounds like you’re professionals.’
‘No. We take it seriously but we’ve never been paid. It’s been a hobby.’
‘You’re giving it all up?’
‘That’s right, pet. We’re retiring.’
‘So what will you do now?’
‘We’re old, love. We’ll just push in.’
If that story messed with your mind and you liked it, you need to get Better.
What was the longest queue you’ve ever experienced?